okay
anxiety
means i worry and i
chew my cheeks and overthink but
it means
i choke
at the moment of truth i choke
and i will always choke
count on me i’ll
walk off
okay
anxiety
means i worry and i
chew my cheeks and overthink but
it means
i choke
at the moment of truth i choke
and i will always choke
count on me i’ll
walk off
wound up
in the present
tense – following my air –
with all this awareness my brain
can watch
my breath
my molecules – all mine – until
a fresh, wet present tense
murders the last
then dies
beneath
the fresh, wet grasp
of a new present tense –
when i try to control my breath
i tense
my brain
wound up as if i were a watch
then, without awareness,
my body breathes
for me
daymares
like jealousies
anxieties or grief
haunt like terrible babadooks:
morning
the fear
is a clear aether:
cloying, clinging
like trapped vapor pressing
on my heart with twelve oceans
(thoughts: blocks)
then grains of peppery static
then stardust: fuzzy logic
my words blur and buzz
like a numb arm on a neon light
sweat evaporates
from me like a desert mirage –
my brain a red anthill,
my mouth breathing instead of my lungs
“my apologies, i just need one
chronic minute, one brief lifetime
for this to pass over”