there is no time
only timing
there is no mind
only minding
there is no wind
only winding
there is no spiral
spiralling
there is no time
only timing
there is no mind
only minding
there is no wind
only winding
there is no spiral
spiralling
When I tell the truth to myself, I sound like I’m lying. (I hold irrational beliefs. My first-person point of view is invalid.)
I watch my credibility burn with the acid of my diagnosis. I grip nothing. I grasp at imaginary straws.
“The number following 0 is 1,” I report to you with a confidence index that has its own confidence index. “But, will you check my work again?”
Padding my armor with facts, “A breeze is blowing,” I claim. “The sun is out,” I state. “Believe me,” I beg. But I can’t tell if anyone believes me.
(I doubt the sun)
No part of my name identifies me. I’m not even in my body. The Mind of God owns my soul; I’m Their doll.
God wears me. It feels my life with my senses. If I want to be alone, not even He can let me. There would be gaps in Her omniscience.
I know it sounds ridiculous. I know it does. “I know,” I laugh, “I know”… but it is not ridiculous. Specifically, it is absurd.
Hyenas with my nicknames branded on their fur all fight for my attention. Mental sinews snap in tug-of-war, theirs and mine. Teeth grind, theirs and mine. I’m scattered among hysterical dung.
It’s not enough to prove a thing. It has to be measured, Mr. Cantor. Has to be felt by the physical apparatus of God, which is to say, the Material. The Flesh: scientific instruments, my tongue. I will taste what you theorize.
I’ll count out loud if I have to.
Woe to those who recognize their own irrationality. They cannot plea insanity – only plea insanely. They behave like madmen. They are tried as healthy.
Castor reasons with a delusional Pollux. Pollux argues gently with a misguided Castor. Both are certain the other is wrong. As it happens, both are right. They cannot convey the fact.
memory is Past
imagination, Future
and measuring: Now
Said true
Let there be false
So fell yes from the heavenly no
Over the surface of always moves now: Every therefore singing
I am
(Ratio equals is
is to
Equals is ratio
as
Is equals ratio
is to
Equals is to is)
I bud off
into another I
whomb follows non-phantoms
moving outside
Saturday’s
reflection decrescendos and
acting on the nowbeat
snow forms
I bud off
into patient I
watching the reality rain
at nightside
Tomorrow’s
shadow rectangles
into loud, tumbling
possibles and
I bud off
into identical I
watching the barley fall
the thrill of the scythe
Small view I live my world through:
This cut-crazy luxometry, so plosive:
Twenty-eight you’s and me’s crash:
Wring colors into it: They’ll marry:
The same Patterns, same Matrices:
Their view I live my world through:
Light trapped alive in a wire cobweb:
Rectangles trapped in a well:
The same: I catch my views in the world:
Either/or cyclones, I wring with my hands:
Now you’re twenty-eighths: Colors collapse:
My small world of patterns and wires
I stare
At one minute
Becoming a new one
Do you play by your own rules, time?
I glare
I ask
Do you slow when I’m not looking?
And minute on minute
Unblinkingly
Time nods
Standing –
Actually
Looking around – inside
Of some withering memory
Can prove
Scary:
Parts and wholes all mixed and mangled,
Branches where limbs once swung,
Boiling solids,
Tattered
Liquids
(Were furniture)
Dim in the living room;
Red as blood because it is blood
((Not real
Brain blood))
Close friends and strange people twining,
Combining, but all wrong.
And finally
It’s gone
“The mind is not a sandbox:
Its contents bear consequence
In the material world
(Time must be measured
in the mind for
dunes change
underneath
a brilliant map of suns)
“The life is the creation
Of the contents of one mind –
Thoughts are things in the real world
(Deep in the orange
distance: a string
of tiny camels
inching across
the grand dunes)
“One does not build sand castles
In the mind then not build them
Again on the ancient beach
(At the edge
of this alamogordo
your chain-link
fence made out
of mithril)