Author Archives: J⊙seph Amm⊙ns

Unknown's avatar

About J⊙seph Amm⊙ns

Navelgazer. Monadologist. Idolater.

That love which cannot fail to be

In the way
Infinity contains
Infinite infinities

Or the way
My life divides
Into briefer, lived-out lives

There is a sadness
That branches behind
The green in your eyes

So if you should
Wake up on a train
On its way to Pompeii

And you think you might feel
Lonely watching window rain
Drops wobble and dissolve

But you only feel a sapling sadness:
You’re just living out
One quantum version of me

And life won’t get tough
For a couple more years
So don’t worry

When you get ivied-over
By the branching, lightless sadness
When it’s the same to look

As it is to close your eyes
The god we call Because
Will do the remembering for you

And a love older than life
Will continue because
Living did sometimes feel nice

Safe

A man controlled by a devil
walks calmly throughout your empty house
and finds a fireproof safe full of nothing
but love letters, so there is no one home
when you later arrive

A glossy-plated fattail scorpion
as black as the ocean at night
stops walking across the wall by your crib
(its shadow long in the night-noon
brightness) and ambles on as you yawn

A supermassive dead star rolls
through the spacetime on a path
parallel to your planet, and if any
astronomer had known it was there
she’d have told the press not to panic

graceless

i will try to remember your face
but it’ll be sand on the surface
of the water, and i’ll rely on
dreams to get your smile right
but time will send rain
and then the paint runs.
one day the boutique will
stop carrying your perfume
and the eumelanin of your hair
will pale like a sunfaded photograph
and our relatives will begin
to die around us, still i will
try to remember your face
but it will come to me as pixels
or a monet painting viewed too close
and i will fail to quote you
correctly anymore, and finally,
finally
i’ll start forgetting your name

tracing arteries

spreading out each halloween
on the kitchen table, i can read
the guts of the pumpkins like a
haruspex, prodding at the signs
with my steak knife and divining
by the arrangement of the seeds
that the long-boned demon in my
bedroom will stand in its corner
for another four seasons – it is
assigned to me. reaching into
the orange gourd, there is already
a red wax candle inside. it must
have grown last year when i
prayed for help during the
holidays. the kitchen table is
sticky with the soft pulp of
future falls and not all of them
include me. carving my face
into my pumpkin idly, i wonder
why that demon never says
anything. spreading out all the
halloween candles in my mind
like the long-walled insides of
a flickering church, i light one
candle and i light them all. and i
take my lantern to my bedside
table.

two moons

a powdery crescent daymoon rises
in the north, and the sky is fragile, and
cold, and quiet of birds – snow melts
into the dirt with a sound like vinyl
sizzling under the needle and footsteps
beat like muffled mallets over the deerskin
head of the ground in no particular
rhythm, in no particular hurry

an insistent vacuum-black moon rises
to dot out the sun, and the sky is fragile, and
cooler, and the night frogs begin their
confused choruses unconfidently, if we
can say anything as complicated of the frog,
while the locusts call to one another
dispassionately, automatically, and unafraid
and i am indoors, asleep, like some dumb bird

warmest climes but nurse the cruellest fangs

another sticky morning rises out
of the mucus on the horizon like
an egg-yolk wobbling into the
mixing bowl, around the flakes
of flour
oh, if only the earth were really flat
then i could hike to the ice wall
at the edge – and leap off – only to
hit what? at the bottom? and could i
shout my findings back to my assistant
in time?
but the hot, summer reality is that if
i walk, i walk forever – over land bridges
and onto other continents with different-
colored insects and leaves of alien
contour, where i will pray to foreign
gods and ask them whether this is the
right plot for a home and family, then
receive some unfriendly answer and walk
again until i’m where my mother labored
to make me, until i’m standing in the
cemetery of my ancestors – whom i
rarely texted – and asking too late for
a parable on eking out joy from the rinds
of shriveled fruit.
how did you survive your great depression,
great grandmother? how can i survive
mine, when the devil steals the little
chemicals that make me say “oh!” at
a nice, beautiful thing and leaves me
with an “oh.”
another glop on the horizon wibbles
into the bright, blue mixing bowl
around the floury tufts of cloud
and stares back, like the yellow eye
of a cyclops, waiting for me to leap

autonomia

when we kissed
you tongued your gum
to me so i wouldn’t chew
my cheeks bloody and
already, both our jaws
were starting to throb
(but not from the medicine)
my neurotransmitters had
already converted me to
a hard determinist, but when
the drugs receded mercilessly
up your spine, it almost
triggered tears to watch you
realize this happiness wasn’t
your creation, your pupils tightening
around the last of the synthetic
bliss, your mood melting between
my fingers and into the ice cream
sunset, your sense of free will
evaporating and the geometries
underneath your choices exposed
like a femur breaking through skin
when we kissed
we absolutely had to kiss
like the perseids had to burn